Life to Live

Seven months ago fueled by the quickly fading overly romanticized visions I play in my mind when under the shade of a motivational forecast I created this blog and (at least in my head) coined the name Life in Continuum. I did so with the intent that it would bring interesting information, inspirational stories, and present deepening provoking thoughtful questions to all readers and listeners alike. I imagined myself speaking to new and interesting people, collaborating in discussions with thousands of people watching, giving speech’s (about what? I don’t know but I Imagined the crowd loving it) and being a person of interest and positive influence.

Sounds nice right?

That’s the issue here, it just sounds nice and honestly I believed myself I mean those videos in my head were so cool and interesting. I could feel the preconceived accomplishment when in reality I did absolutely nothing. Unfortunately as it goes with the storm of motivation that is brought forth from my imagination that cloud dissipated and reality continued to spin the world. Later I am standing here looking back seeing that nothing but unfulfilled thoughts lay in my wake.

This trend, or better yet habit has followed me for years and like a smartphone it can be a tool for my benefit but also like a smartphone it can be a complete waste of my time. I can sit in a class and instead of pushing myself to listen and absorb some amount of information, I instead replay a Mad Men episode and maybe add myself in as a character or I imagine the next Star Wars trilogy where instead of following another Skywalker we follow two orphans adopted by the Jedis and watch the dynamics of their struggle as one falls the dark side and one becomes a great Jedi. Then again I also just need to walk somewhere (sometimes just once) to be able to find my way around a particular place I am traveling to. I often prepare for a conversation by visualizing it in full detail and playing it out so much so that what I see falls into a life of its own. This visual imagination of mine is surely a gift and a curse, at least that is how I have always thought about it.

When it comes down to it I like many others have let overthinking or better yet over visualizing stagnate my situation. I now feel the discomfort of uncertainty in every waking decision I make and within said decision the discomfort multiplies with the responsibility tied to it. Its like this because I decide to see where every possible outcome can go, so as a reaction to the mental strife that would bring me I would minimize things I wouldn’t look the oncoming predator right in the eyes rather I would avert my gaze and play dead. I did not approach the issue or as the hastily picked metaphor expressed it as I only played dead in the face of a predator, I did not learn the predator. The problem for me is not choosing the wrong action rather it is choosing not to act, especially when it is a situation that requires me to act. Lastly, as it may seem like this whole page of writing might have just been a place for me to attempt to put what I have had in my head down on paper and it is that, but it is also a move of sorts or at the very least a symbolic jester that represents the change I am intent to make. As proudly stated previously I decided to name this blog Life in Continuum, but upon the realization that I had and acknowledged I have decided to change the name to Live in Continuum. Life just happens but one needs to take action to Live it.